What the Crap?

Shoveling Some Compost Crap

By Mike Garofalo

Back in the Spring of 2007, I was working in my large garden in the Sacramento Valley. I was shoveling and spading compost, sand, straw, and manure into my clay soil. That got me tp thinking about how gardeners have fertilized for centuries before commercial phosphate fertilizers. I did some research in my many home library gardening books, and I searched the Internet for more information. I learned that the Chinese have been using human and animal nitrogenous wastes, yes Shit, as one element in their creation of good compost for forty centuries. I then created an informative webpage on Fertilizer practices, and then a humorous poem on the subject that I posted to my Cloud Hands Blog in 2007.

So, this poem I will read tonight from 2007 is just some Old Shit.

However, if you've never heard it before, it's some fresh New Shit at your door.

This poems title is: Shoveling Some Compost Crap.

 

Gardeners know all about bull shit, horse shit, and chicken shit.
They might be lucky shits, dumb shits, crazy shits, or have shit for brains;
but they shovel crappy compost shit for tasty beans anyway.

They know that some nights are colder than shit,
and some days are hotter than shit,
and other days are just plain shitty,
other crappy days get in the way,
but they step in the shit anyway.

Gardeners all throw composted crap
or sling shit, shoot the shit, occasionally catch some shit,
or duck when the shit hits the fan.

Now, I recommend, that You had better give a shit,
and get your shit together;
or you will find yourself in deep shit,
smelling like shit,
treated like shit,
and end up being shit out of luck.

I felt crappy today,
nobody gives a shit anyway;
we all have too damn much crap to do,
plus picking up the shit from our human zoo.

Once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else,
and you'll be has happy as a pig in shit;
if you don't know your crap, you'll be told to shit or get off the pot,
told that you don't know the difference between shit and shine'ola,
served shit on a shingle,
get a ripped off by a crappy deal,
told your ideas arn't worth a shit.

If you can't shit or pee
your in deep shit
dying from a shitty disease,
that won't scare the crap out of you.
Damnit! Damnit! Shit!

You can smoke some shit,
drink until your shit faced,
buy some more shit,
feel like shit,
look like shit,
and find yourself in a boat load or mountain of shit.

Crap! You can have too much shit,
not enough shit, the right shit,
the wrong shit,
or a lot of weird shit.

In summary: Shit Happens! Please!

Fertilizer: Quotes, Sayings, Jokes

Poetry by Mike Garofalo
25 Steps and Beyond