Showing posts with label Positive Psychology. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Positive Psychology. Show all posts

Sunday, May 10, 2026

Do You Have Good Mental Health?

Traits and Behaviors of Mental Heath

"Although no group of authorities fully agree on a definition of the term mental health, it seems seems to include several traits and behaviors that are frequently endorsed by leading theorists and therapists (e.g., Sigmund Freud, Carl Jung, Alfred Adler, Karen Horney, Erich Fromm, Rudolf Dreikurs, Fritz Perls, Abraham Maslow, Marie Jahoda, Carol Rodgers, Rollo May, Albert Ellis, etc.).  These include such traits as self-interest, self-direction, social interest, tolerance, acceptance of ambiguity and uncertainty, flexibility, acceptance of social reality, commitment, risk taking, self-acceptance, rationality and scientific thinking.  Not all mentally healthy individuals possess the highest degree of these traits at all times, but when people seriously lack them or when they have extreme opposing behaviors, we often consider them to be at least somewhat emotionally disturbed.  


Self Interest:  Emotionally healthy people are primarily true to themselves and do not subjugate themselves or unduly sacrifice themselves for others.  Realizing that if they do not primarily take care of themselves no one else will, they tend to put themselves first, a few selected others a close second, and the rest of the world not too far behind.

Self-Direction:  Mentally healthy people largely assume responsibility for their own lives, enjoy the independence of mainly working out their own problems, and, while at times wanting or preferring the help of others, do not think that they absolutely must have such support for their effectiveness and well-being.  

Social Interest:  Emotionally and mentally healthy people are normally gregarious and decide to try to live happily in a social group.  Because they want to live successfully with others, and usually to relate intimately to a few of these selected others, they work at feeling and displaying a considerable degree of social interest and interpersonal competence.  

Tolerance:  Emotionally healthy people tend to give other humans the right to be wrong.  While disliking or abhorring other's behavior, they refuse to condemn them as total persons for performing poor behavior.  They fully accept the fact that all humans seem to be remarkably fallible; they refrain from unrealistically demanding and commanding that any of them be perfect; and they desist from damning people in toto when they err.  

Acceptance of Ambiguity and Uncertainty:  Emotionally mature individuals accept the fact that, as far as has yet been discovered, we live in a world of probability and chance, where there are not, and probably ever will be, absolute necessities or complete certainties.  Living in such a world is not only tolerable but, in terms of adventure, learning and striving, can even be very exciting and pleasurable.  

Flexibility:  Emotionally sound people are intellectually flexible, tend to be open to change at all times, and are prone to take an unbigoted (or at least less bigoted) view of the infinitely varied people, ideas, and things in the world around them.  They can be firm and passionate in their thoughts and feelings, and they comfortably look at new evidence and often revise their notions of "reality" to conform with this evidence. 

Acceptance of Social Reality:  Emotionally healthy people, it almost goes without saying, accept was is going on in the world.  This means several important things: (1) they have a reasonably good perception of social reality and do not see things that do not exist and do not refuse to see things that do; (2) they find various aspects of life, in accordance with their own goals and inclination, "good" and certain aspects "bad" ─ but they accept both these aspects, without exaggerating the "good" ones and without denying or whining about the "bad" ones; (3) they do their best to work at changing those aspects of life they view as "bad," to accept those they cannot change, and to acknowledge the difference between the two. 

Commitment:  Emotionally healthy and happy people are usually absorbed in something outside of themselves, whether this be people, things, or ideas.  They seem to live better lives when they have at least one major creative interest, as well as some outstanding human involvement, which they make very important to themselves and around which the structure a good part of their lives.

Risk Taking:  Emotionally sound people are able to take risks.  They ask themselves what they would really like to do in life, and then try to do it, even though they have to risk defeat or failure.  They are reasonably adventurous (though not foolhardy); are will to try almost anything once, if only to see how they like it; and look forward to different or unusual breaks in their usual routines.  

Self-Acceptance:  People who are emotionally healthy are usually glad to be alive and to accept themselves as "deserving" of continued life and happiness just because they exist and because they have some present or future potential to enjoy themselves.  They fully or unconditionally accept themselves.  They try to perform competently in their affairs and win the approval and love of others; but they do so for enjoyment and not for ego gratification or self-deification.  

Rationality and Scientific Thinking:  Emotionally stable people are reasonably objective, rational, and scientific.  They not only construct reasonable and empirically substantiated theories relating to what goes on in the surrounding world (and with their fellow creatures who inhabit this world), but they are also able to supply the rules of logic and of the scientific method to their own lives and their interpersonal relationships. "

-  Albert Ellis, Ph.D.  The Albert Ellis Reader: A Guide to Well-Being Using Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, 1998, pp. 235-252.  Based on the 1962 essay titled "The Case Against Religion: A Psychotherapist's View."  


How to Live the Good Life: Advice from Wise Persons

Virtues

An Old Philosopher's Notebooks





Friday, April 24, 2026

Getting the Life You Want

Happiness Activities

1.  Expressing Gratitude
2.  Cultivating Optimism
3.  Avoiding Over-Thinking and Social Comparisons
4.  Practicing Acts of Kindness
5.  Nurturing Social Relationships
6.  Developing Strategies for Coping
7.  Learning to Forgive
8.  Increasing Flow Expectations
9.  Savoring Life's Joys
10.  Committing to Your Goals
11.  Practicing Spirituality
12.  Taking Care of Your Body (Psychological Methods)
13.  Taking Care of Your Body (Physical Activity)
14.  Taking Care of Your Body (Acting Like a Happy Person)
15.  The Hows Behind Sustainable Happiness: Positive Emotions,
       Optimal Timing and Variety, Social Support, Motivation, Effort,
       Commitment, and Habit.  


The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want  By Sonja Lyubomirsky.  New York, Penguin Books, 2008.  Index, extensive notes, appendix, 366 pages.  ISBN: 978-1594201486.  Ms. Lyubomirsky, Ph.D., is a Professor of Psychology at the University of California at Riverside, and a leader in the field of positive psychology.  

Professor Lyubomirsky analyzes what determines happiness.  Her research indicates that "happiness" is determined approximately 50% by our internal biological "Set Point", 10% by our circumstances in life, and 40% by our intentional activity.  Her explanations and suggestions are clear, reasonable, and grounded in psychological research.  Gaining effective use of our intentional activities is the focus of this book.  "This much happiness - up to 40% - is within your power to change."  

How to Live a Good Life: Advice from Wise Persons

Virtues and a Good Life

An Old Philosopher's Notebooks

Pleasure

Reading

Epicureanism







Saturday, April 11, 2026

Experience and Movement


"In general, there is no isolated sensory experience.  From the beginning, there is a tendency towards testing each new sensory experience by the other senses.  ... We have shown that it is not legitimate to speak of a sensory impression separately from motor-vegetative changes."
-  Moshe Feldenkrais, Body and Mature Behavior, 1949, p.112




The Potent Self: A Study of Spontaneity and Compulsion.  By Moshe Feldenkrais.  Foreword by Mark Reese.  This book was originally written in the late 1940's.  Frog Books, 2002.  288 pages.  ISBN: 978-1583940686.  VSCL.  

"Moshe Feldenkrais, D.Sc., a visionary scientist who pioneered the field of mind-body education and therapy, has inspired countless people worldwide.  His ability to translate his theories on human function into action resulted in the creation of his technique, now known as the Feldenkrais Method of Somatic Education.  In The Potent Self, Feldenkrais delves deeply into the relationship between faulty posture, pain, and the underlying emotional mechanisms that lead to compulsive and dependent human behavior. He shares remarkable insights into resistance, motivation, habit formation, and the place of sex in full human potential.  The Potent Self offers Feldenkrais' vision of how to achieve physical and mental wellness through the development of authentic maturity.  This edition includes and extensive Forward by Mark Reese, a longtime student of Feldenkrais, in which Reese discusses many of the important ideas in the book and places them in the context of Feldenkrais' life and the intellectual and historical milieu of his time."  - Quote from AmazonBooks



Body and Mature Behavior: A Study of Anxiety, Sex, Gravitation, and Learning.  By Moshe Feldenkrais.  Foreword by Carl Ginsburg.  Berkeley, California, Frog Books, Somatic Resources, 2005.  Index, 233 pages.  ISBN: 978-1583941157.  VSCL.

These essays were first presented as lectures to members of the Association of Scientific Workers at Fairlie, Scotland, given in 1943-1944.  They were first printed in book form in 1949.  Moshe Feldenkrais worked for the British Admiralty during World War II on submarine research in Scotland, and taught self-defense since he was a Judo Master.  Dr. Feldenkrais discusses learning, movement and consciousness, the psychological and physiological development of humans, recent research in psychology, training and reeducation, mind-body unity, instincts, anxiety, habits, and the impact of gravity on our soma/psyche.  It was written before Dr. Feldenkrais developed his somatic Awareness Through Movement methods and educational theories.  His topics and conclusions are wide-ranging. 


Moshe Feldenkrais  (1904-1984)
Awareness Through Movement, Functional Integration
Bibliography, Links, Quotes, Notes


    





Tuesday, April 07, 2026

A Will for the Good

"Laetus in praesens animus quod ultra est oderit curare et amara lento temperet risu.  Nihil est ab omni parte beatum.
Joyful let the soul be in the present, let it disdain to trouble about what is beyond and temper bitterness with a laugh.  Nothing is blessed forever."
-  Horace


"To educate yourself for the feeling of gratitude means to take nothing for granted, but to always seek out and value the kind that will stand behind the action.  Nothing that is done for you is a matter of course.  Everything originates in a will for the good, which is directed at you.  Train yourself never to put off the word or action for the expression of gratitude."
-  Albert Schweitzer  


"The clearest sign of wisdom is continued cheerfulness."
-  Michel Montaigne  


"All our moments are last moments.   We abide in the forever leaving of our own coming?  We can put our hands together, palm to palm, settling here on the last leaf of our brief flight, and bow to the wonder of it."
-  Jen Jensen, Bowing to Receive the Mountain, 1997 


Ten Positive Energy Prescriptions
"1.  Awaken intuition and rejuvenate yourself.
2.  Find a nurturing spiritual path.
3.  Design an energy-aware approach to diet, fitness and health.
4.  Generate positive emotional energy to counter negativity.
5.  Develop a heart-centered sexuality.
6.  Open yourself to the flow of inspiration and creativity. 
7.  Celebrate the sacredness of laughter, pampering, and the replenishment of retreat.
8.  Attract positive people and situations.
9.  Protect yourself from energy vampires.
10.  Create abundance."

-  Judith Orloff, M.D..  
   Positive Energy, 
2004 










Monday, March 02, 2026

Lessons from Paulo Coelho

 I found this information about Paulo Coelho on a recent post to Facebook.  Since I have not read this book, I am unsure as to the correctness of this post.  However, it does fit with the messages of positive psychology and practical philosophy that I have studied by other authors.  

How to Live a Good Life: Advice from Wise Persons
Compiled by Michael P. Garofalo

 

 

10 Top Lessons
From he Book The Alchemist

A book by Paulo Coelho


1. Fear is a bigger obstacle than the obstacle itself

"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself.

And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams."

Any new pursuit requires entering uncharted territory -- that's scary. But with any great risk comes great reward.

The experiences you gain in pursuing your dream will make it all worthwhile.


2. What is "true" will always endure

"If what one finds is made of pure matter, it will never spoil. And one can always come back.

If what you had found was only a moment of light, like the explosion of a star, you would find nothing on your return."

~ Truth cannot be veiled by smoke and mirrors -- it will always stand firm.

~ When you're searching for the "right" decision, it will be the one that withstands the tests of time and the weight of scrutiny.


3. Break the monotony

"When each day is the same as the next, it's because people fail to recognize the good things that happen in their lives every day that the sun rises."

~ Gratitude is the practice of finding the good in each day.

~ Life can easily become stagnant, mundane, and monotonous, but that changes depending on what we choose to see.

~ There's always a silver lining, if you look for it.


4. Embrace the present

"Because I don't live in either my past or my future. I'm interested only in the present.

If you can concentrate always on the present, you'll be a happy man."

~ There's no point dwelling in the past and letting it define you, nor getting lost and anxious about the future. But in the present moment, you're in the field of possibility

~ How you engage with the present moment will direct your life.


5. Your success has a ripple-effect

"That's what alchemists do. They show that, when we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better, too."

~ Growth, change, and evolution are weaved into the fabric of reality.

~ Becoming a better version of yourself creates a ripple effect that benefits everything around you: your lifestyle, your family, your friends, your community.


6. Make the decision

"When someone makes a decision, he is really diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he has never dreamed of when he first made the decision."

~ It's easy to get overwhelmed by the unknowns and finer details of your dreams.

~ Actions will flow out of having confidence in your decision; sitting on the fence will get you nowhere.


7. Be unrealistic

"I see the world in terms of what I would like to see happen, not what actually does."

~ Some of the greatest inventions would not have happened if people chose to accept the world as it is.

~ Great achievements and innovations begin with a mindset that ignores the impossible.


8. Keep getting back up

"The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and to get up eight times."

Because the eighth time could be your breakthrough.

Some of the greatest novels in history were published after receiving hundreds of rejections. Thankfully, those authors never gave up.


9. Focus on your own journey

"If someone isn't what others want them to be, the others become angry.

Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own."

~ It's easy to be influenced by others, but you'll be miserable if you end up living someone else's life.

~ There's nothing wrong with taking advice and learning from others, but make sure it aligns with your desires and passions.


10. Always take action

"There is only one way to learn. It's through action. 



 

Saturday, January 31, 2026

The Three Treasures


Repost from December 17, 2023


The Three Treasures


My Body

Feelings, Emotions, Body-Self, Past-Present, Id-Ego,
Physical Health, Unconscious Dimensions, Breathing, 
Eating, Moving, Sleeping, Digesting, DNA, Sexuality,
Drinking, Vitality, Brain, Immediate Environment.

My Mind
Thoughts, Emotions, Experiences-Reflections, Ego, Goals
Past-Present-Future, Language Culture, Heart-Mind, Attitudes,
Beliefs, Opinions, Histories, Will, Hope, Memories, Spirit,
Brain-Body interactions with mundane environment.

My Actions
What I Do Today. My Behaviors and Character. 
Family Life.  Social and Community Interactions.  
Purposeful activity towards the Future.  Moral-Ethical Acts.
Practices, Exercises, Play.  
My employment or work.  


The Three Treasures are intertwined, integrated, interconnected, involved, and interwoven in some way all the time; all to the benefit of well-being and good health.  They can become disconnected and conflicting which produces poor bodily health, mental confusion, and useless, evil, or self-destructive acts.  Balance, clear purpose, and reflection are some essentials.  

We can separate these aspects of Being-In-The-World intellectually when reflecting; when Acting and Doing they are integrated.  

The Living Body is the foundation of Mind and the means of flourishing Actions.  Consciousness requires a Living Body.  

I don't find it scientifically plausible to accept notions of our having consciousness after death, having an invisible immortal soul, being ghostly beings, having immortal supernatural lives in fanciful heavens or hells, or other imaginary religious memes about our "after-lives."  

Qigong routines are intended to nourish, refresh, rejuvenate, and reenergize our Living Bodies.  Seeking immortality, spiritual rebirth, or special magical super-powers via Qigong, ascetism, or prayers do not seem reasonable to me.  Seeking and cultivating good health and longevity - Yes!  

- By Michael P. Garofalo,  9/2022


Cultivating Longevity (Yang Sheng Gong)

The Longevity Plan. By John D. Jay and Jane Ann Day, wth Matthew LaPlante. 2018, 304 pages. 1. Eat good food. 2. Master your mind-set. 3. Build your place in a positive community. 4. Be in motion. 5. Find your rhythm. 6. Make the most of your environment. 7. Proceed with purpose. John D. Jay, M.D., Cardiologist, Electro-physiologist.

Books by Tom Bisio      Books by Eva Wong       Books by Livia Kohn

Books by Ken Cohen     Books by Yang Jwing-Ming



Three Treasures - Wikipedia

"In long-established Chinese traditions, the "Three Treasures" are the essential energies sustaining human life:

  • Jing  "nutritive essence, essence; spirit, sperm, seed; extract; refined, perfected"
  • Qi  "breath, spirit; air, vapor; vitality, energy, force; vigor; attitude"
  • Shen  "spirit; soul, mind; god, deity; supernatural being"

This jing-qi-shen ordering is more commonly used than the variants qi-jing-shen and shen-qi-jing.

The Three Treasures or Three Jewels (ChinesepinyinsānbǎoWade–Gilessan-pao) are theoretical cornerstones in traditional Chinese medicine and practices such as neidanqigong, and tai chi. They are also known as jing, qi, and shen (Chinese精氣神pinyinjīng-qì-shénWade–Gilesching ch'i shen; "essence, breath, and spirit")."


"The Three Treasures or Three Jewels (ChinesepinyinsānbǎoWade–Gilessan-pao) are basic virtues in Taoism. Although the Tao Te Ching originally used sanbao to mean "compassion", "frugality", and "humility", the term was later used to translate the Three Jewels (BuddhaDharma, and Sangha) in Chinese Buddhism, and to mean the Three Treasures (jingqi, and shen) in Traditional Chinese Medicine."
Three Treasures in Taoism


Guarding the Three Treasures.  By Daniel P. Reid.  Simon, 1993, 484 pages.

The Three Treasures.  By Jong Kook Baik.  2019, 397 pages.  





Tuesday, December 23, 2025

Critical Thinkers - Who Are They?

 Who is a Good Critical Thinker?


"Today, especially, we all need to become philosophers, to develop a philosophical framework.  Critical thinking is a modern reworking of a philosophical perspective.  Who would you identify as expert critical thinkers?  To qualify, the people you identify should have lively, energetic minds that generally display the following qualities:

Open-minded: In discussions they listen carefully to every viewpoint, evaluating each perspective carefully and fairly.

Knowledgeable: When they offer an opinion, it's always based on facts or evidence.  On the other hand, if they lack knowledge of the subject, they acknowledge this.

Mentally Active: The take initiative and actively use their intelligence to confront problems and meet challenges, instead of simply responding to events.

Curious: They explore situations with probing questions that penetrate beneath the surface of issues, instead of being satisfied with superficial explanations.

Independent Thinkers: They are not afraid to disagree with the group opinion.  The develop well-supported beliefs through thoughtful analysis, instead of uncritically "borrowing" the beliefs of others or simply going along with the crowd.

Skilled Discussants: They are able to discuss ideas in and organized and intelligent way.  Even when the issues are controversial, they listen carefully to opposing viewpoints and respond thoughtfully.

Insightful: They are able to get to the heart of the issue or problem.  While others may be distracted by details they are able to zero in on the essence, seeing the "forest" as well as the "trees."

Self-aware: They are aware of their own biases and are quick to point them out and take them into consideration when analyzing a situation.

Creative: They can break out of established patterns of thinking and approach situations from innovative directions.

Passionate: They have a passion for understanding and are always striving to see issues and problems with more clarity."

-  John Chaffee, The Thinker's Way: 8 Steps to a Richer Life, 1998, p.36


The Thinker's Way: 8 Steps to a Richer Life (Think Critically, Live Creatively, Choose Freely).  By John Chaffee, Ph.D.  Boston, Little, Brown and Co, c1998.  Index, recommended reading, 420 pages. VSCL. 


Thinking Critically.  By John Chaffee, Ph.D.  Boston, Wadsworth Pub., 2012.  10th Edition.  Index, glossary, 575 pages.  John Chaffee, Ph.D., is a professor of philosophy at The City University of New York, where he has developed a popular Critical Thinking program.  VSCL. 


How to Live a Good Life: Advice from Wise Persons


Tuesday, November 25, 2025

Sixteen Bodhisattva Precepts

 

The Sixteen Bodhisattva Precepts


The Sixteen Bodhisattva Precepts are an essential part of Zen practice. They are taken in ordinations and recited at other ceremonies such as weddings and funerals, as well as every month in the renewal of vows during Full Moon Ceremonies. One translation commonly used at Zen Center is given below.

 

Three Refuges
I take refuge in Buddha
before all beings,
immersing body and mind
deeply in the Way,
awakening true mind.

I take refuge in Dharma
before all beings,
entering deeply the merciful ocean
of Buddha's Way.

I take refuge in Sangha
before all beings,
bringing harmony to everyone,
free from hindrance.

Three Pure Precepts
I vow to refrain from all evil.
I vow to make every effort to live in enlightenment.
I vow to live and be lived for the benefit of all beings.

Ten Grave Precepts
I vow not to kill.
I vow not to take what is not given.
I vow not to misuse sexuality.
I vow to refrain from false speech.
I vow to refrain from intoxicants.
I vow not to slander.
I vow not to praise self at the expense of others.
I vow not to be avaricious.
I vow not to harbor ill will.
I vow not to disparage the Three Treasures.

Virtue Ethics

 

 

Yamas and Niyamas of Hinduism

Yamas:  Moral Observances and Restraints

 

1.  Nonviolence, Not Harming, Not Killing   Ahimsa 

2.  Truthfulness, Not Lying, Not Gossiping, Good Speech   Satya 

3.  Not Stealing, Paying Debts, Not Gambling, Keeping Promises, Not Wasting   Asteya 

4.  Divine Conduct, Immersed in Divinity, Celibacy, Following Marriage Vows   Brahmacharya

5.  Patience, Restraining Intolerance, Don't Argue, Slow Down   Kahama

6.  Steadfastness, Persistence, Perseverance, Industriousness   Dhriti  

7.  Compassion, Kindness, Helpfulness   Daya

8.  Honest, Law Abiding, Not Cheating, Fair   Arjava

9.  Moderation, Proper Eating, Simplicity, Not Greedy   Mithara and Aparigraha 

10.  Purity, Cleanliness, Proper Language, Keep Good Company   Saucha

 

Niyamas:  Spiritual Practices, Religious Observances, Values

 

1.  Remorse, Humility, Apologize, Acknowledge Wrongdoing, Correct Your Faults   Hri

2.  Contentment, Serenity, Gratitude, Simplicity, Following Spiritual Values   Santosha 

3.  Giving, Charity, Liberality, Volunteer, Support Worthwhile and Spiritual Causes   Dana

4.  Faith   Astikya 

5.  Worship, Surrender to God, Love of God   Ishvara Pujana 

6.  Scriptural Listening   Sidhanta Shravana

7.  Cognition, Self-Study, Meditation, Seek Knowledge, Follow Guru   Mati  and Svadhyaya

8.  Sacred Vows   Vrata

9.  Recitation   Japa

10.  Austerity, Fervor, Effort, Work, Energy   Tapas 

 

-   Yamas and Niyamas

    From the Indian scriptures, The Upanishads: Shandilya and the Varuha.

    From 600-100 BCE

    Hinduism's Code of Conduct

 

    See also Patanjali’s Yoga Sutra, Circa 2nd Century CE

    (Yoga Sutra, Verses 2:30 – 2:34.)

 

Sunday, November 09, 2025

Attention

 “Do stuff.  Be clenched, curious. Not waiting for inspiration's shove or society's kiss on your forehead.  Pay attention.  It's all about paying attention.  Attention is vitality.  It connects you with others.  It makes you eager.  Stay eager.” -  Susan Sontag

"Attention (prosoche) is the fundamental Stoic spiritual attitude. It is a continuous vigilance and presence of mind, a self-consciousness which never sleeps, and a constant tension of the spirit. Thanks to this attitude, the philosopher is fully aware of what he does at each instant, and he wills his actions fully. Thanks to this spiritual vigilance, the Stoic always has "at hand" (procheiron) the fundamental rule of life: that is, the distinction between what depends on us and what does not." p. 84

Philosophy as a Way of Life: Spiritual Exercises from Socrates to Foucault.By Pierre Hadot.  Edited with an introduction by Arnold Davidson.  Translated by Michael Chase.  Malden, Massachusetts, Wiley-Blackwell, 1995.  Index, extensive bibliography, 320 pages.  ISBN: 978-0631180333.  VSCL.


"Everywhere and at all times, it is up to you to rejoice piously at what is occurring at the present moment, to conduct yourself with justice towards the people who are present here and now, and to apply rules of discernment to your present representations, so that nothing slips in that is not objective."
- Marcu Aurelius, Meditations

Monday, August 25, 2025

A Day Became a Presence

 "A certain day became a presence
to me; there it was, confronting me -- a sky, air, light:
a being. And before it started to descend

from the height of noon, it leaned over
and struck my shoulder as if with
the flat of a sword, granting me
honor and a task. The day's blow
rang out, metallic -- or it was I, a bell awakened,
and what I heard was my whole self
saying and singing what it knew: I can."

Denise Levertov, Variation on a Theme by Rilke
(The Book of Hours, Book I, Poem 1, Stanza 1)






Saturday, July 05, 2025

A Guide to Well-Being and Personality Growth


"The important elements of personality growth are probably the achievement of enlightened self-interest, self-direction, tolerance, acceptance of ambiguity and uncertainty, flexibility, acceptance of reality, commitment, risk-taking, and self-acceptance.

People who are well-adjusted to themselves and to the social group with which they live are primarily devoted to being happy, gaining satisfaction, and avoiding truly noxious, painful, or depriving circumstances.  At the same time, they are also devoted to seeing that their fellow humans also survive and are reasonably happy.  While they are most interested in their own life and pleasure, they realize the importance of not needlessly stepping on others toes and unduly restricting their living space.  Consequently, they try to be non-harming to practically everyone, and select a relatively few individuals (because their time is limited) to actively befriend and care for.  They do not dishonestly pretend to be purely altruistic; but are authentically and realistically self-interested and socially interested, and therefore impose certain social restrictions on themselves.

People who have a mature and growing personality assume responsibility for their own thinking and living.  They are able to work independently at most of their problems, and while at times wanting or preferring the cooperation and help of others, do not need their support to create an inner sense of worthiness. 

Emotionally stable and growing people are highly tolerant of the desires and behaviors of other human beings, even though these may differ significantly from their own.  Even when others behave in a manner they consider to be mistaken or unethical, they acknowledge that because of people's essential fallibility, others have a right to be wrong.  While disliking or abhorring some of their partners' acts , tolerant people do not condemn them, as persons, for performing these unlikable acts.  The tend to accept the fact that all humans are remarkably error-prone, do not unrealistically expect others to be perfect, and refrain from despising or punishing others even when they make mistakes.

People who allow themselves room for growth tend to accept the fact that we live in a world of probability and chance, with no absolute certainties.  They demand no surefire predictions about the future and realize that it is not all horrible─indeed, it is in many ways fascinating and exciting─to live in a distinctly probabilistic, variable environment. 

The opposite of intolerance and the need for certainty is flexibility.  The emotionally growing individual consequently tends to be intellectually and emotionally labile, to be open to change, and to view without bigotry the infinitely varied people, ideas, and things that exist in the world.  The disturbed person, on the other hand, tends to be exceptionally narrow, rigid, and overly constrained.  Personality growth, in particular, would seem to be almost impossible to achieve if the individual is not open and flexible, for how can growing and remaining closed to change be compatible. 

What is usually called emotional disturbance and interference with personality growth stems largely from an unscientific, magical way of thinking─thinking that is particularly involved with irrational, dogmatic, and absolutist hypotheses.  If people would largely follow the scientific canons of reasoning in their personal lives, and would stop dogmatically musturbating, awfulizing, and whining about the many kinds of hassles and frustrations to which, as fallible humans, their are inevitably heir, they would not only rid themselves of much of their deep-seated feelings of anxiety, depression, guilt, and hostility, but give themselves leeway to discover, with lack of prejudice, what they really enjoy in life and how they can truly grow as human beings.  Reason is indeed a limited faculty and may never quite solve all the mysteries of life.  But for maximum emotional functioning, people had better be fairly flexible, open, and scientific, and be able to apply scientific thinking not only to external people and events but also to themselves and their interpersonal relationships.

Emotionally healthy individuals are usually committed to some large life plan or goal─such as work, building a family, art, science, or sports.  When they have steady personality growth they tend to be vitally absorbed in some large goal outside of themselves, whether it be in the realm of people, things, or ideas.  And they frequently have at least one major creative interest, as well as some outstanding human involvement, which is highly important to them and around which they structure a good portion of their lives. 

Emotionally sound people are able to take risks: to ask themselves what they would really like to do in life, and then endeavor to do it, even though they risk defeat or failure.  They try to be adventurous (though not necessarily foolhardy), are willing to chance almost anything once to see how they like it, and look forward to some breaks in their usual routines.  It this connection, it is interesting to note, that even some of the most self-actualizing and creative individuals spend so much of their time in routine, unadventurous pursuits that it takes something drastic, such as near death from a heart attack, to jolt them into a new sense of vital living and a greater degree of risk-taking to savor their existence.

Above all else, emotionally healthy and sane people are glad to be alive, and to full accept themselves just because they are alive, because they exist, and because (as living humans) they almost invariably have some power to enjoy themselves.  If they assess or rate themselves at all, they do so not on the basis of their extrinsic achievements or their popularity with others, but on the basis of their own existence─on their propensity to make an interesting, absorbing life for themselves."

-  Albert Ellis, The Albert Ellis Reader: A Guide to Well-Being Using Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy.  1998, pages: 69-82. 
From the essay titled "Sex-Love Adventuring and Personality Growth,' 1972.  For more on his liberal views on sexual psychology and behaviors, refer to "Sex Without Guilt" (1956) or his many other forward thinking and very popular books on the subject of sexuality. 

How to Live a Good Life: Advice From Wise Persons

Virtue Ethics